January was such a long and honestly depressing month. I feel like the days were so long, I lost my family doctor and felt like the hope of having a baby was slipping away. Especially because I put in my head that my fertility doctor has given up on me which is not the case. The waiting and trying to get my bloodwork where it needs to be to start Letrozole again is emotional and frustrating.
February started and I found myself secretly having meltdowns and crying in private. I cry because I miss our baby, I miss being pregnant with our baby. I cry because I'm frustrated at myself for taking so long to get my bloodwork where it needs to be. I cry because I got another negative pregnancy test. I cry because I let negative thoughts in my head that cause so much emotion on top of the emotions of infertility already. I needed a little "hopeful" shopping. I went out a bought a few adorable Disney onesies, came home laid them on my bed, grabbed the baby book my best friend bought me called "Wish" and read it over and over again. This storm that we are in right now will pass, our rainbow will come.
One of my many favourite Disney songs is "A dream is a wish your heart makes", well lately my heart has been wishing a lot because lately almost every night I dream about having a baby. From finding out I'm pregnant to having the baby. Motherhood is a dream I will NEVER give up on. I feel way down in my heart that my time is coming and it is coming soon. I know I keep saying this is our year, but I feel like 2022 is OUR YEAR.
There is nothing easy about TTC and battling infertility. My issue happens to be PCOS with insulin resistance. There are so many different diagnoses out there and many people going through infertility. There is nothing to be ashamed of, share your journey, reach out to the TTC community, it helps. Talking and writing about our journey has been so much help for me and has given me so much hope.
I have been digging, researching and learning everything I can about PCOS with insulin resistance so I can better my body and prepare my body to be pregnant again. I will be sharing more of this topic in another blog.
I am currently working on my next blog on how my husband feels and how he handles everything in this journey.
Until next time....sending baby dust to everyone who needs it....and sprinkling lots on myself.
