Cherish every moment

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Apr 27, 2022
3 min read

Today, I want to talk about my pregnancy just a little bit. I may have only carried our baby for 9 weeks but they were perfect and part of my story.

It had been 3 years of trying to conceive and our third round of Letrozole. Because of being in the care of Dr. Ripley and being on fertility medication I found out very early that I was pregnant.

October 6th at 6:30 am we found out and on October 15th we found out we were 4 weeks along. That day Dr Ripley came into the room so excited that I had ovulated (first time in his care) then I said "I know, I'm PREGNANT". He was so happy! He wanted to confirm with an ultrasound (internal) then bloodwork the next day. Everything looked good and my levels were good and doubled the following week. Baby Peake was growing!

I was nauseous pretty much all day everyday but didn't complain. I waited so long for this, I was enjoying every single moment. We started taking photos of my belly each week, bloat was real and you could see the little changes in it. James would rub my belly every single chance he got and everyday before going to work he would kiss my belly and say "I love you baby Peake". Now, we know that it was much too early but we were just so happy and wanted to soak up every moment.

I had two strange cravings, first was hot rods & lemonade made with real lemons (which James can tell you, he forgot them one day and I couldn't stop crying). The second craving was hot sauce. I never in my life had hot sauce until then and now I love it. I put it on everything but at the time, I texted my friend Taylor and asked her what hot sauce to start with because I literally have no idea! The funny thing is I love lemon and would drink lemonade but lemon pie would make me want to be sick.

I started a pregnancy journal to remember all my feelings and emotions throughout it all. I'm honestly so happy I did because I don't want to forget my pregnancy or our baby. I will attach a photo of the letter I wrote baby Peake after we found out which after losing our baby I ripped out of the journal but managed to save it.

I felt from the very beginning that we were having a boy, fast forward to last year when my aunt went to a medium for a reading and she told my aunt that my baby was a boy. Now, do I believe in that kind of stuff....mostly not but that hit me like a freaking train because I felt in all my being that my baby was a boy.

I'll never forget November 20th, 2019. I woke up feeling amazing, my mom and aunt were coming up for the night and we had front row seats to Johnny Reid. They arrived at the house and bam...it started. I'm not going into much detail but I did pass the baby at our house. It is something I never wanted to happen but especially with my mom here. Every daughter needs their mom and I did but my mom has been through so much the last few years from being at her husbands hospital bed for months then losing him and exactly 32 days later her mom died. I was so heartbroken for her. I know how excited she was to be having a grandchild, she was telling everyone she knew then to be here to see her daughter lose her first baby....she doesn't talk about her feelings but I know her heart was broken.

I cherished every single day and grieved for so long. There was nothing I could have done to prevent it from happening and it has taken a long time to try and love myself again. I hated my body for having a miscarriage for a long time, I have finally started to love myself again. I love that my body got pregnant and even though it is giving us a hard time to conceive again I know it will happen because my body is finally started to work right again. Two months in a row I had cycles on my own without using Provera. YAY!!

One step at a time, our rainbow is near we can both feel it. Stay tuned for my next blog...later tonight since this one was suppose to be last night.