Today, October 15th has a couple different meanings for me. Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day; today also marks 2 years ago that I had my appointment with Dr. Ripley to confirm my pregnancy and had my first (internal) ultrasound.
One of my biggest battles since losing our baby has been loving myself again. I blamed myself for a very, very long time but also I was mad at my body.
PCOS is hard, mentally, emotionally and physically. I hated my body, I hated that there was nothing I could do but let the miscarriage take its course. I was mad that I have insulin resistance and no matter how much carbs and sugar I cut out, I still can't get my A1C down to 7. I'm mad that even though I'm on medication for my insulin levels, I still can't start my fertility medication until its where my doctor wants it. I'm mad because I feel like I'm running out of time.
These were my thoughts for the last 2 years, especially the last few months, I feel like I will never be a mother, when will it be my turn. Well, I have been diving deep into learning everything I can about PCOS insulin resistance, I've been reading and following many women going through the same TTC journey as me and my mindset has changed drastically.
I have been working really hard using all the new information I have been learning on how to handle my PCOS and insulin, happy to say I'm down 10 lbs and levels have been getting better everyday. I WILL be a mother and everyday I feel like it is closer than ever. I see little signs everyday that show me our rainbow is near.
Last night, I stepped way out of my comfort zone and my husband took a few photos of me. I feel beautiful and confident in them. I AM WORTHY, I AM STRONG, I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM A INFERTILITY WARRIOR, I GOT THIS.