Struggles through the holidays....

Hello Everyone. I know, it's been a while since I posted a blog and to be completely honest I've been struggling.

On November 20th, it was two years since we lost our baby and it is hard on the heart. I miss everything about those 9 weeks I was pregnant and can't help but wonder what could have been.

Christmas is my favourite time of the year and every year I wish and hope for the same thing....a baby. I know my time is coming but it is hard.

I am going to be positive and say that Christmas 2022 we WILL have a baby!!!

I want to touch on what helps me during my low times. Taking care of yourself during dealing with infertility is important. You can lose yourself, you can become a different person and for awhile I was. I was dark, negative and would jump at my husband a lot because I was holding in my feelings and I was mad that my body keeps failing me every month. I need to talk about it and share, it helps me.

Another thing that helps is what I call "hope purchases", I will go shopping and find baby clothes, books and more that I LOVE so I buy it. Baby Peake will be very fashionably dressed in everything Disney and already has quite a big library of Disney books.

Some people don't understand or they think it's bad karma to buy stuff for a baby when you are not pregnant but this is what keeps me going most days. Knowing that I am planning for our baby, it keeps me positive and gives me hope.

I was having a bit of a hard time this Christmas with all kinds of pregnancy announcements and feeling like the waiting between medications, appointments is at a stand still even though it isn't. When you want something so badly, it seems like time goes on forever. I went on H & M's website (they have the cutest baby clothes) and ordered a couple Disney outfits that helped fill me back up with hope. Oh and don't get my wrong...I'm always over the moon happy for all the pregnancy announcements I see and I can't wait until it is us.

It won't be long before I post again on my blog, I slacked off because I was struggling a lot the last couple of months.

If you are struggling, reach out, talk about it, know that there are people that care and are here to listen.